Thursday, September 23, 2010

Chewing On It

I haven't posted for the last few days because I have been chewing on what I want to say and how to say it. I don't think I'm there yet, but I want to try to articulate at least a little of what is going on between my ears. Here's the thing.....I feel like I am being pulled in a new direction, one that is way out of my comfort zone and I'm not at all sure how to start or how it will be received - by you. SO...I thought today I would share a little of what is rumbling around in my spirit lately and try and get some feedback from you dear readers.

I desire to be transparent and pull back the curtain that I have been hiding behind (that I think most of us hide behind), you know that one I am talking about, the one that is more flattering to our unsightly bulges and less than appealing flaws - let's be real - we all have them. I think by keeping them under wraps I/we are giving them way too much power and I think it is time that I/we learn to take some risks and be real with each other. News flash - alert the media - I struggle !! Ok - take a deep breath and get a hold of yourself - it's true I do. I struggle to hold my tongue, I struggle to keep a loving attitude at all times, I struggle to do what is right and good, I struggle to be the kind of wife and mother that I really want to be. I struggle to find the good in others at times, but mostly in myself at all times. I struggle to feel I have value, that I do anything well and the list goes on. I understand the reasons behind some of these struggles, for many of them have been my companions for many, many years, but of course knowing does not always lead to immediate healing, it is a journey.
For me it has been a long one - 46 years in just a few weeks. I have some things surrounding my upcoming birthday that I would like to share as well, that will come in another post or maybe even a mini series (that makes me smile) of posts.
I will still post a recipe, offer a homeschool thought or share a letterboxing adventure, but I am thinking about introducing a new element that I have only touched on briefly here and there. Getting real, getting personal and talking about hard things, tender topics - all the things that are the real reasons behind the name of this blog His Grace Alone. It is by His grace alone that I am able to sit here in my comfortable home, while married to a wonderful man and homeschool my only son and share anything with you at all. I am scared of what you are thinking right now, curious if you will even respond and very hopeful that there are a few kindred souls out there that feel the same way I do, who will step forward to join me.
I would LOVE IT if you would leave a comment if you took the time to read this far and give me your honest thoughts and ideas, topics of interest etc. I really would love for this to be more of a blessing to others, than therapy for me!!


Anonymous said...

oh dear one! I am applauding you! Stand up!!! Speak the message the Lord is giving you!

This also seems to be a confirmation on what the Lord is speaking to my heart. Prov 31:26 is what keeps coming back to me . Saw a teaching this past weekend and that is what it was on. Letting the Law of Kindness be on my lips. So I'm with ya, taming that tongue :0

As the Lord moves you to become more transparent and real, may He expand your influence and we hear what He has to say!

May God bless ya!

Stacey said...

I'm not exactly sure what you are referring to but I *think* I understand. There have been so many times I have wanted to express some real hard truths about me and how I struggle. In fact, at times, I have shared it and then went back and deleted the post. I feel, due to my lack of confidence in myself, that it is hard to be so open and vulnerable in such an open forum like this. Does that make sense? If you can do it, I support you! It just takes one person sometimes to get it started. Praying for you sister!

-Stacey : )

Anonymous said...

You will be loved despite and possibly because of your faults. I applaud your bravery. Let the sharing and healing begin!

Jenny said...

My friend, I stand and applaud you as well! You are an amazing, God fearing Christian woman who I am blessed to call "Friend"! I support you on your journey and know that God is working in you in so many ways and I pray that all will be blessed through it. I know I am ;) I love you friend, you are Mama Leisha for more reasons than one...;-) LOVE THE BLOG!!!!! But love you more........:)

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